Lydia on Leadership

7 Steps to Compassion

I read the piece below on the Seeds of Compassion website and found it very interesting and practical.  This is something you can do every day with minimal effort and it has the potential to change the way you live and the way you develop relationships with the people around you.  Last week, I saw Dr. Wayne Dyer, author of the book “Change Your Thoughts - Change Your Life,” on The Ellen DeGeneres Show.  He repeated something the Dalai Lama had said, which is that if every child, starting at the age of five, were taught to meditate for one hour a week on compassion, in one generation we could end all violence and the prospect of war on our planet forever.  This theory really highlights how important compassion is and how by simply increasing the compassion within yourself, you can change the world.

Seeds of Compassion

The key to developing compassion in your life is to make it a daily practice.
Meditate upon it in the morning, think about it when you interact with others, and reflect on it at night. In this way, it becomes a part of your life.  As the Dalai Lama also said, “This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.”

There are scientific studies that suggest there are physical benefits to practicing compassion — people who practice it produce 100 percent more DHEA, which is a hormone that counteracts the aging process, and 23 percent less cortisol — the “stress hormone.”  The main benefit is that it helps you to be happier, and brings others around you to be happier. 

This guide contains 7 different practices that you can try out and perhaps incorporate into your every day life.

1. Morning ritual. The Dalai Lama suggests: “Today I am fortunate to have woken up, I am alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others, to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings, I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others, I am going to benefit others as much as I can.”

2. Empathy Practice. Imagine that a loved one is suffering. Now try to imagine the pain they are going through. Imagine the suffering in as much detail as possible. After doing this practice for a couple of weeks, you should try moving on to imagining the suffering of others you know, not just those who are close to you.

3. Commonalities practice. Instead of recognizing the differences between yourself and others, try to recognize what you have in common. At the root of it all, we are all human beings. We need food, and shelter, and love. We crave attention, and recognition, and affection, and above all, happiness. One of the best exercises comes from a great article from Ode Magazine — it’s a five-step exercise to try when you meet friends and strangers. Do it discreetly and with your attention geared to the other person, tell yourself:

— Step 1: “Just like me, this person is seeking happiness in his/her life.”
— Step 2: “Just like me, this person is trying to avoid suffering in his/her life.”
— Step 3: “Just like me, this person has known sadness, loneliness and despair.”
— Step 4: “Just like me, this person is seeking to fill his/her needs.”
— Step 5: “Just like me, this person is learning about life.”

4. Relief of suffering practice. Imagine the suffering of a human being you’ve met recently. Now imagine that you are the one going through that suffering. Reflect on how much you would like that suffering to end. Reflect on how happy you would be if another human being desired your suffering to end, and acted upon it. Open your heart to that human being and if you feel even a little that you’d want their suffering to end, reflect on that feeling. That’s the feeling that you want to develop. With constant practice, that feeling can be grown and nurtured.

5. Act of kindness practice. Imagine again the suffering of someone you know or met recently. Imagine again that you are that person, and are going through that suffering. Now imagine that another human being would like your suffering to end. What would you like for that person to do to end your suffering? Now reverse roles: you are the person who desires for the other person’s suffering to end. Imagine that you do something to help ease the suffering, or end it completely. Practice doing something small each day to help end the suffering of others, even in a tiny way. Even a smile, or a kind word, or doing an errand or chore, or just talking about a problem with another person.

6. Those who mistreat us practice. When we encounter someone who mistreats us, instead of acting in anger, withdraw. Later, when you are calm and more detached, reflect on that person who mistreated you. Try to imagine the background of that person. Try to imagine the mood and state of mind that person was in — the suffering that person must have been going through to mistreat you that way. And understand that their action was not about you, but about what they were going through. Now think some more about the suffering of that poor person, and see if you can imagine trying to stop the suffering of that person. And then reflect that if you mistreated someone, and they acted with kindness and compassion toward you, whether that would make you less likely to mistreat that person the next time, and more likely to be kind to that person.

7. Evening routine. I highly recommend that you take a few minutes before you go to bed to reflect upon your day. Think about the people you met and talked to, and how you treated each other. Think about your goal that you stated this morning, to act with compassion towards others. How well did you do? What could you do better? What did you learn from your experiences today? And if you have time, try one of the above practices and exercises.

Intuition in Leadership (Part 2)

Intuitive leadership demands the courage to go ahead with what you feel is right and not let fear of making a mistake stop your progress of innovation. Yeoman suggests learning how to celebrate mistakes publicly. In his organization, groups of ten are gathered and videotaped. Mistakes are announced and explained by the people who made them, and then a discussion takes place based on they learned and what the rest can learn. Once a month the best mistake is chosen and that person and their spouse are taken to dinner at a restaurant of their choice.

Director Sidney Pollack says of intuition, “Intuitive leadership is free association. It’s the ability to be in touch. It’s where you get your ideas. And it is the ability to trust the ideas once you have them, even though they may break some rules. And it’s the competence to trust those ideas once you’ve identified them. Then, you cannot be afraid to fail.”

Yeoman links this idea of free association to a jazz quartet. This is an example of a real team, he says. “The critical nature of the music depends on how well the musicians listen to each other, build on each other’s musical ideas, pass the lead around to each other, and support the soloist innovation.” Herein lies the difference between managing and leading.

Intuitive leaders have the ability to listen to other people’s ideas, take time to see things from their points of view, and see their needs and interests as important and valuable. After doing this, they will then be able to make well-considered decisions and come to what they believe are the correct conclusions, all things considered.

If you don’t think you’re an intuitive leader, don’t worry. Although it is a natural mental ability that some have more than others, it can be sharpened and made more reliable through consistent practice.

Ways to increase intuition:

• Lie down, get calm and at the just-before-entering-sleep time when your hypogogic alpha brainwave period is occurring, explain to your subconscious mind what you already know about a situation and what help you need. Then, when your conscious mind is resting, your subconscious will have time to explore its rich sources.
• Set aside relaxation time each day. Find twenty minutes and allow you mind to go totally and completely blank, allowing your inner voice a chance to talk to you.
• Remember there’s no such thing as a bad idea. Have fun brainstorming. Generate as many ideas as you possibly can without evaluating them. Intuitive leadership is about creating options.
• Avoid making a decision for the sake of making a decision: allow yourself the time to come to a conclusion that feels right.
• Write down anything your inner voice says to you and keep track of it. Ask yourself, “How did my intuition do this day? How did it do this week?” You will begin to appreciate what a powerful tool your intuition can be.
• Use John Rollwagen’s practice of flipping a coin when faced with a tough choice. Don’t go by what choice the coin makes, but rather how you feel about the choice the coin has made. Your reaction to which side the coin lands on will tell you which choice is best for you.

Ron Schultz is the author of the book Unconventional Wisdom. In it, he interviews twelve “remarkable innovators” and asks them to explain how intuition can revolutionize decision-making. Below are the important points he found through this process.

When is the use of intuition most helpful to leaders?

• when there are insufficient data, or not enough time to gather the data
• when there is too much information, or the data are conflicting
• when data seem to support several options equally
• when decisions have to be made on the spur of the moment, without time for data-gathering
• when a group’s vision has grown cloudy and/or its mission seems inappropriate or obsolete

True leaders also find intuition of invaluable assistance in

• determining new an inspiring visions and the overall direction of a group or organization
• recognizing and employing, to the highest effectiveness, the abilities of all individuals in that group or organization

Intuition in Leadership (Part 1)

What is intuition and what does it mean to use it in leadership? When many people think of intuition, they think of a hunch, a gut feeling, or an instinct, none of which are based on fact. Brian K. Yeoman, author of Intuitive Leadership, however, believes that intuition is more of a subconscious voice. “We gather data,” he says, “through multi-sensual communication, unconsciously process it deep in our brains and it manifests itself to us through our inner voice according to the context of the situation.” The need for intuition in leadership is strong in today’s business world because society is quickly shifting from traditional to original. Innovation is necessary and intuition can take us there. The difference between “management” and “leadership” is growing and it’s important to recognize their distinctions, according to Yeoman. Below is a chart that illustrates the differences between the two.

The Manager	The Leader
Administers	Innovates
Is a Copy	Is an Original
Maintains	Develops
Focuses on Systems and Structure	Focuses on People
Relies on Control	Inspires Trust
Has a Short-Range View	Has a Long-Term Perspective
Asks How and When	Asks What and Why
Has Eyes On the Bottom Line	Has Eyes On the Horizon
Imitates	Originates
Accepts the Status Quo	Challenges the Status Quo
Is the Classic Good Soldier	Is His/Her Own Person
Does Things Right	Does the Right Thing

Management -- the way we’re used to it -- limits us to applying rational methods to practical problems, or deductive thinking. This hierarchical, multi-level organizational structure causes problems when the principles today are becoming “fairness, sensibility, equitability, and what works.” In today’s unpredictable environment, we cannot continue to apply rational methods to an irrational world. Intuitive leadership is especially important when faced with the challenge of a high rate of change that is not only non-linear and constant, but also generates a need to provide “instantaneous gratification in the form of immediate problem resolution,” says Yeoman. It is becoming increasingly necessary to move away from the idea that there is one answer for every customer and that each customer is the same, and intuition can help us do that.

Yeoman then goes on to describe a philosophy followed by those who listen to their intuitive voices: make a choice. “When you make a choice,” he says, “it’s just one route of many. If you find out later it was a mistaken choice, you can fix it any time you want to.” There are no right answers and no wrong answers, only opportunities. A fear of failure can seriously stop you from taking a chance and following your intuition.

This is Part 1 of a two-part article.

Putting Compassion into Action

On Saturday, the Dalai Lama spoke to a crowd of over 50,000 people at Seattle’s Qwest Field about the importance of putting compassion into action, no matter how large or small. Urging people to use nonviolent dialogue to resolve problems, he explained the process in more depth, saying:

“Nonviolence is not just the absence of violence, but facing problems with determination, vision and a wider perspective while deliberately resisting using force.”

In order to prevent emotions like suspicion and fear from taking control, compassion has to be promoted alongside praying and meditating. The scope of the Dalai Lama’s personal compassion was highlighted in his statement that “everyone has right to overcome suffering. Six billion human beings are ultimate source of my happiness, so it’s in my interest to be concerned about all of them.” He made a suggestion for our world leaders, saying they may be able to act more compassionately if they gathered with their families for a week or two with no politics, business, or agenda. His idea is that once they know each other as humans, “then maybe when some serious differences come, they can try to form some effort.”

A participant in the event at Qwest Field, Hilary Wogau, told the Seattle Times that she believes the time is right for the Dalai Lama to speak to the people and create some change. “I think with the economy the way it is and all the things happening in the world, I think people want to have hope. They want to do things differently. I think the Dalai Lama inspires people. And I think people are willing to hear it,” Wogau stated, acknowledging that a five-day event may not be long enough for any lasting change to take place, “but if you don’t inspire, you won’t have action.” And action is exactly what the Dalai Lama preaches. A quote on the Seeds of Compassion website says, “True compassion is not just an emotional response, but a firm commitment founded on reason.”

Some things to think about:

• How can you put your compassion into action today?
• What would be the impact of that?
• What personal satisfaction would you get?         

The Science of Compassion and Empathy

This past Friday, the Dalai Lama spoke to a crowd of 22,000 at the University of Washington’s Edmundson Pavilion in Seattle. It was the first of his many appearances during his five day visit to the American city for a series of events designed to nurture compassion. The Nobel Peace Prize winner and Tibetan Buddhist leader spent time speaking about some of the serious problems that face today’s youth: violence, negative emotions, and many other problems in the world. His main goal while in Seattle was to encourage compassion and empathy in people and to help them see how these positive emotions will change the world.

The panel was made up of the Dalai Lama, musician Dave Matthews, Today news anchor Ann Curry, and other experts. The science behind compassion and early childhood development was discussed as scientists spoke about how children learn by imitating adults, and how that lays the foundation for developing empathy. Later that day, at the Key Arena, the Dalai Lama talked with some experts who are working on ways to raise healthier children. When asked whether or not schools should have time for social and emotional learning, he said, “We should have educational, emotional, and social experts come, discuss and make concrete plan -- how to educate from kindergarten to university,” adding that, “raising emotionally healthy children -- ultimately, that is preparation for world peace.”

Also discussed by His Holiness was the difference between limited compassion and unlimited compassion. Limited compassion is biased and not as rewarding as unlimited compassion. “If you limit your kindness and compassion to people with whom you already have something in common, than you’re weakening yourself,” he said, adding that you must be able to show compassion to those whose ideas you don’t agree with. He believes that compassion is biological and that all animals, including humans, have something to gain from being compassionate. “From the selfish viewpoint, practice more compassion -- you get more benefit,” he said, listing these advantages as inner strength, a lessening of fear, and sounder sleep.

• How does compassion show up for you?
• What has compassion taught you?
• If you were to teach compassion, how would you do that?

Empathy and Forgiveness

It is important to recognize that sometimes in life, forgiveness is what is needed. Would you agree that having empathy for others can make it easier to forgive someone? Being empathetic can make it much easier to forgive someone for their wrong-doings. Forgiveness, after all, is about understanding who that person is, where they came from, and why they act a certain way. To truly forgive someone is to understand how and why they did what they did as you put aside your own personal feelings of hurt. There is a link between empathy, forgiveness and acceptance. The message here is that you have to be able to see things as they are, understand circumstances from the perpetrator’s perspective, and be able to evoke empathy in reaching out to somebody who is feeling pain. Charlotte vanOyen Witvliet says:

“Forgiveness is the turning away from grudges and bitter ruminations in favor of facing and embracing ... the offender's humanity and need for grace."

An entry point to forgiveness is to start caring for the self first. If you can learn to forgive yourself, you can learn to forgive others. A certain openness will be created and with that will come acceptance around the facts of life and the ability to deal with the circumstances you are faced with. It involves saying to yourself, "This is the way things are and this is where I am in all of this." Acceptance, self-understanding, self-empathy, and then empathy for others are needed in order to open up the place of forgiveness.

The ability to forgive is a powerful tool. And it’s not easy. Stories of true forgiveness can serve as an inspiration for putting bitterness and anger behind you.

• Let us take an example from one of the greatest leaders to ever impact our world: Mahatma Gandhi. When he was assassinated in 1948, it is said that before he died of his wounds the next day, he forgave the assassin.
• Jo Berry’s father was killed in an explosion by the NRA in Ireland. In her journey of forgiveness, she says, “I'm beginning to realize that no matter what side of the conflict you're on, had we all lived each other's lives, we could all have done what the other did.”
• The Forgiveness Project “is a charitable organization which explores forgiveness, reconciliation and conflict resolution through real-life human experience.” Their website features stories from people all over the world about forgiveness that hopefully will encourage others to forgive instead of seek revenge.

Lynette J. Hoy talks about the Fundamental Attribution Error, which happens when we assign total responsibility and blame to others for our behaviour while using situational factors to explain away our own negative actions. What we need instead is to develop empathy for others by thinking about people’s actions through a more empathic view and using the Causal agnosticism exercise which says, "One can never know the precise causes of another person's behavior.” Ask yourself, Hoy says, whether you want things “bitter or better?”

Forgiving someone is not just about them, either. It’s also about you. Think about the words of Lewis Smedes: "To forgive is to set the prisoner free...and to discover that the prisoner was you." A study done with 35 females and 36 males showed the physical repercussions to holding a grudge versus forgiving. The participants were asked to identify a person who had caused them emotional offense and then focus on various feelings toward that person: pain, a grudge, empathy, and forgiveness. They reported feeling higher levels of satisfaction and control over their offender when feeling empathy and forgiveness rather than when feeling pain and nursing grudges. The study found that “forgiveness brought greater positive emotion, greater perceived control, and less physiological stress."

Tips to Build Empathy and Forgiveness

1. Increase your empathy to make it easier to forgive others.
2. Put your personal feelings of hurt aside in order to be available for empathy and forgiveness.
3. Understand that it takes courage to offer empathy and forgiveness.
4. Practice self-empathy and self-forgiveness as a way to help you forgive others.
5. Step back emotionally from what’s going on to minimize pain and defensive reactions.